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Open Source Project Maintainer Sarcastic Response Cheat Sheet

Need a sarcastic response to a support interaction as an open source project maintainer? Look no further!
1. I'll just retype the docs into this email for you.

2. Please send me an email/chat request personally, because the mailing list/IRC channel is full of other people who can help.

3. I don't need to see any code to answer that.

4. Just paste the very last line of the traceback please, I've memorized all the potential codepaths of your application.

5. Of course I believe you've found a fundamental bug in the system. You've been using it for almost 10 minutes.

6. Why would you learn to use an interactive debugger?

7. Don't sweat it, I have a masters in Engrish.

8. That docs typo is important enough for me to fix right now; don't bother creating an issue for it.

9. Please don't submit a pull request, just type the diff manually into IRC, I'll take care of it right now.

10. Let's talk about variable names, I really wasn't doing anything else.

11. When I said 'dont do it that way', I was just making idle conversation.

12. I love answering the same question from you every two weeks.

13. It totally makes sense for you to do it the hard way over and over.

14. I know you're skeptical, but what will it take to convince you to use my free software because I know you're going to contribute back later.

15. The dogma you've gained from your six months of experience is indeed how everyone should do it.

16. You're right, it is too complex. Why didn't I think of that?

17. Ignoring conventions is completely reasonable at your experience level.

18. Your highly general judgment statement is an actionable bug report.

19. I completely understand your personal technical vernacular. Don't bother explaining what you think your words mean.

20. I understand you're very busy and it's a lot faster to tell us how easy it is to do than it is to help do it.
Created by chrism
Last modified 2011-07-01 04:52 AM

Number one on Reddit

Number one on programming.reddit.com! An honor, or at least a distinction.